The Border Collie Chronicles

Observations from (arguably) the World's Smartest Dogs;
(but, without question, the bestest friends!)
or, Life As We Understand It, as told from dad's shop.

Posted December 18, 2014


BC Jokes


Love for Beer

A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job.


He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it.


He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, “You are the reason I don’t have a wife”, second bottle, “You are the reason I don’t have my children”, third bottle “You are the reason I lost my job”.


He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer.  He takes the bottle, puts it aside and says “Stand aside my dear friend; I know you were not involved”.



I Am Fine

An old farmer named Clyde had a car accident.  In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.


“Didn’t you say at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer.


Clyde responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened.  I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the……”


“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question.  Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, “I’m fine!’?”


Clyde said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road….”


The lawyer interrupted again and said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine.  Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client.  I believe he is a fraud.  Please tell him to simply answer the question.”


By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie.”


Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well… as I was sayin’, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was drivin’ her down the highway when this huge semi ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.  I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other.  I was hurtin’ real bad and didn’t want to move.  However, I could hear ole Bessie moanin’ and groanin’.  I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.


Real soon a Highway Patrolman came on the scene.  He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’, too.  So, he went over to her.  After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.  Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘How are YOU feeling?’


Now what the heck would you say?”



Alcohol And Health

The USDA was deeply concerned over the liquor drinking habits of the farmers and they decide to spread awareness amongst these farmers that liquor is dangerous for health.


They visit one such community and call upon all the farmers to see the presentation.  They keep two glasses on the table, one filled with liquor and the other with water.


They put an insect in the glass which is filled with liquor and after some time the insect dies.  Then they put another insect in the glass which is filled with water and even after some time, the insect is still alive.


They tell the farmers that see how harmful liquor is for your health.


The farmers think for a moment and say that now they will drink even more liquor.  The USDA people are amazed and ask why?  The farmers say because it will kill all the insects in their stomach.



Apple vs. Orange Joke

The new Extension Agent said to a farmer: “Your methods are too old fashioned.  I won’t be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples.”


“I won’t be surprised either,” said the farmer, “this is an orange tree”.







Hope at least one of these brought a grin to your face ...

Maybe a chuckle ...

We'd love an "out loud" laugh!!


Wishing all of you

the MERRIEST of Christmas's


the HAPPIEST of New Years!!!!





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