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The Border Collie Chronicles

Observations from (arguably) the World's Smartest Dogs;
(but, without question, the bestest friends!)
or, Life As We Understand It, as told from dad's shop.


Posted 2/17/2012

BREAKING NEWS #2!!

 

You Ain’t Gonna Believe This .... (or something to that effect)

     By Rooney

 

Yeah – Like me, you were concerned about that “smart TV” (it really isn’t all that smart – more on that at a later date) – well, hang on … you ain’t gonna believe this ...!!!  We just got new telephones with pretty little displays that tell you the time, the date, who you are, what your extension is, your horrorscope – well everything … (I might have been exaggerating about the horrorscope deal though!)  Now, the old phone system, to me, was just fine … sure, we had a few phones that were messed up … GET A REPLACEMENT PHONE … not a whole new system!!!!  Ahhhh, but wait, these phones hook up to the internet (smart phones (government style), I reckon …) – but we don’t have cords long enough to reach where the ladies (not to mention Ryne and dad) need their phones to do their work!  One lady had to use industrial strength tape on hers just to keep this priceless piece of modern technology from bouncing off our old style concrete floor!  Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that all of the wonderful technology wizards that were tasked with installing the system were unable to synchronize their government issued dingleberries and get all their stuff together … so now, we all have two phone systems on our desks … dad is still struggling with that one – he tries to dial out on one, and talk on the other … it confuses him.  Maybe one day soon, he will have only one phone on his desk (but he’s afraid that it will be the one with the cords that are too short to even reach his desk – too bad he doesn’t have a bathroom attached to his office so he could REALLY do some business!

 

But wait, I’m not through yet … yeah, I’m afraid it does get worse … dad found out accidently, but he’s getting a new computer.  Well that DOES make sense, it really does … his old laptop is a boat anchor, and is three or four years old (and was outdated when he actually got it).  Since the majority of his work is on the computer and on the world wide web – investing in this sort of technology makes a lot of sense and is genuinely appreciated by the employees that are actually doing the work.  But, and this is a double big BUTT (hee, hee) – the new monitors have already been delivered and  … wait didn’t he get a new monitor a year or so ago … they are all still working.  Nice, big, flat screen – good pixilation and all that jazz.  Why IN THE WORLD does he need a new monitor???  My goodness, keep using the old one.  Maybe buy a few extras for the whole state and if some of the ones die out of warranty, replace them as needed – why in the world replace ALL of them!!! 

 

But wait … there’s more![i] – I’m STILL NOT done … dad also found out that he was getting an AirCard (or something like that) for his laptop.  Sounds like a pretty good idea at first blush, doesn’t it … but dad has politely suggested … for years … that he, and his counterparts get an office cell phone.  Some of dad’s bosses equivalents have a much smaller territory than dad’s and have government issued cell phones that they are told to use as their own (since they are expected to have on them - at all times - in the event that the Boll Weevil’s strike back).  Instead of a cell phone, they’re gonna give dad an aircard (that probably won’t work out here anyway) in a laptop (that will probably be outdated by the time it is configured, issued, and set up) that probably won’t work since it will miss it’s “phone friend” (remember the smart government phone – that has to hook up to the computer??!!).

 

Wow, scrap the new phone system, the new monitors, the manpower to debug, install, and then reinstall all the components and … what do you know … we have money for the blood and bones!  It ain’t science, Sherlock!

 

I was internet chatting with my good friend, Maggie (a slightly overweight Blue Heeler (BH, not BC – let’s get that clear)), the other day and she informed me that I was EXTREMELY fortunate that my dad didn’t work in the Ovory Tower (I think that’s what she said … she mumbles sometimes…) because if he saw some of the stuff that her dad saw – he would definitely stroke out!!!!!

 

 

 

 

LIKE I SAID BEFORE …

 

The national budget must be balanced. The public debt must be reduced; the arrogance of the authorities must be moderated and controlled. Payments to foreign governments must be reduced, if the nation doesn't want to go bankrupt. People must again learn to work, instead of living on public assistance.

Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC), 55 BC

 

Blood and Bones must come before Bricks and Mortar.  (or words to that effect)

(every State Executive Director that dad has EVER worked for!  1995-present)

 


 


[i] Billy Mays – Famous Ad Pitchman for Oxy-Clean, et. al.




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