The Border Collie Chronicles

Observations from (arguably) the World's Smartest Dogs;
(but, without question, the bestest friends!)
or, Life As We Understand It, as told from dad's shop.

 Posted August 4, 2016


Dear Annie …

Annie receives quite a bit of correspondence from folks seeking her advice.  It seems that her “direct” responses are appreciated.  So here is a collection of responses to reader’s questions posed to our own Dear Sweet Annie (… or we might have searched out old Dear Abby’s![i])



Dear Annie:  My boyfriend is going to be 20 years old next month.  I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? — Carol
Dear Carol:  Never mind what he'd like, give him a tie.



Dear Annie:  Our son married a girl when he was in the service.  They were married in February and she had an 8 1/2-pound baby girl in August.  She said the baby was premature.  Can an 8 1/2-pound baby be this premature? — Wanting to Know
Dear Wanting:  The baby was on time.  The wedding was late.  Forget it.



Dear Annie:  Is it possible for a man to be in love with two women at the same time? — Jake
Dear Jake:  Yes, and also hazardous.



Dear Annie:  I've been going with this girl for a year.  How can I get her to say yes? — Don
Dear Don:  What's the question?



Dear Annie:  I've been going steady with this man for six years.  We see each other every night.  He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage.  Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get? — Gertie
Dear Gertie:  I don't know.  What's he getting?



Dear Annie:  My wife sleeps in the raw.  Then she showers, brushes her teeth and fixes our breakfast — still in the buff.  We're newlyweds and there are just the two of us, so I suppose there's really nothing wrong with it.  What do you think? — Ed
Dear Ed:  It's O.K. with me.  But tell her to put on an apron when she's frying bacon.



Dear Annie:  What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? — Bess
Dear Bess:  Night and Day.



Dear Annie:  My husband lost his wallet.  It was mailed back and I found it stuffed with snapshots of other women.  I confronted him with this evidence and he said, as a true Southern gentleman, he refused to muddy the names of the ladies in the pictures.  What can I do with this Alabama Skunk?—Myra
Dear Myra
:  Cut off his hominy grits.



Dear Annie:  About four months ago, the house across the street was sold to a "father and son" — or so we thought.  We later learned it was an older man about 50 and a young fellow about 24.  This was a respectable neighborhood before this "odd couple" moved in.  They have all sorts of strange-looking company.  Men who look like women, women who look like men, blacks, whites, Indians.  Yesterday I even saw two nuns go in there! ... Annie, these weirdos are wrecking our property values!  How can we improve the quality of this once-respectable neighborhood? — Up In Arms
Dear Up:  You could move. 



Dear Annie:  I joined the Navy to see the world.  I've seen it.  Now, how do I get out?
Dear Navy:  Simple.  Go to your superior officer and say these 2 words:  I'm Gay.



Dear Annie:  I don’t want to appear conceited but I’m forced to admit that I am one guy who has everything.  Women are always flocking around me and telling me how good-looking I am and what a marvelous personality I have.  I’m beginning to find this pretty annoying and extremely tiring.  I just want to live a normal quiet life.  How can I dissuade these hopeful females? - C.W.

Dear C.W.:  Keep talking.



Here are some that she REFUSED to answer:



Dear Annie:  Five years into our marriage, my wife and I took a girlfriend, “Sonya.”  I fell madly in love with her.  Unfortunately, my relationship with my wife cooled because she changed as a person.  We ended up divorcing.



Dear Annie:  A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.  One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties.  These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment.  Do you think they could be Lebanese?



Dear Annie:  What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Foul Language and Violence On My VCR?





[i] Pauline Friedman Phillips, better known by her pen name, Abigail Van Buren, died on January 16, 2013 at age 94.  She was born 17 minutes after her identical twin sister, Esther Lederer, and published her first Dear Abby column in 1956, three months after Esther's debut as Ann Landers.





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