The Border Collie Chronicles

Observations from (arguably) the World's Smartest Dogs;
(but, without question, the bestest friends!)
or, Life As We Understand It, as told from dad's shop.


Posted February 2, 2017
 

Dog Thoughts …

(My Top “Pet” Peeves About Humans)

By “Angry” Annie

 

I may be known for my intolerant attitude at times … but I am really pretty mild mannered and relaxed – until you push my buttons!  I’m not much for standing for stupidity and I will not hesitate to call it out.  As I was explaining this to Taffy the other day, I shared with her some of my “pet” peeves … here are mine on silly things that humans do regarding us …

  1. Blaming your farts on me ... not funny.

  2. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone.  (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little bit like cat ass?)

  3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out.  Exactly who's walk is this anyway?

  4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose ... stop it.

  5. Yelling at me for rubbing my butt on your carpet.  Why'd you buy carpet?

  6. How you act disgusted when I lick myself.  Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.

  7. Dog sweaters.  Have you noticed the fur?

  8. Yelling at me for barking ... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!  THAT’S WHAT I DO!!!

  9. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.  Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

  10. When you pick up the crap piles in the yard.  Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?

  11. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.  Sorry, but it’s much more informative than a handshake ... idiot.

  12. Taking Bubba to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when he freaks out every time you take him back.

I could go on (REALLY … I could!), but with respect for my people, I will hold on to the remainder of my thoughts on this topic (which is extensive) out of deference to mom-D and dad.

 

You know … there are a lot of other things that seem silly to me in this world nowadays – especially with all of the folks raising hell and griping about things that are totally beyond their control (at this point)! 

 

This gets me fired up, then I turn a little sentimental … I then start thinking about the things that I am THANKFUL for!  Here’s my (partial) list … what’s on yours?

  • Taco Bell’s $1 Cravings Menu

  • Pajamas with Feet

  • Happy Hour Anywhere

  • Skipping lots of school and still graduating with an A average

  • How babies are made

  • Matching socks

  • Clean underwear (Is there anything better?)

  • God

  • Forks

  • Texas (… and it’s Music)

  • Beef

  • Fire

  • Bifocals

  • Birth control

  • Popcorn

  • The A/C repair guy

  • YouTube

  • Toilet paper

  • Babies

  • Treats

  • Rainbows

  • Mustaches

  • Duct Tape

  • Chuck Norris (The only thing stronger than duct tape! … well, maybe Steve McQueen … or John Wayne!)

  • Forever Stamps

  • PayPal

  • Sunshine

  • The 5-Second Rule

  • Silent Farts

  • Rock n’ Roll

  • Prisons

  • First Responders

  • Confession Booths (of any kind)

  • Gummy Bears

  • Sticky Notes

  • Bacon

 As I see it … there is no reason for any of us to focus on the bad stuff (and there is PLENTY of that) … why don’t we try and be grateful for EVERYTHING else (THERE’S EVEN MORE)!

 

There’s such a diversity of things on this list and most of them were thought up by simply thinking about my life, except for Chuck Norris – he forced his way onto my list!

 

HEY!  Life is really MORE BETTER than GOOD!

 

Love Ya’ll!

 

Annie

 

 

Thoughts that “Pair Well” with this article!

 

I think it is the duty of every citizen, in the present condition of the Country, to do all in his power to aid in the restoration of peace and harmony. It is particularly incumbent upon those charged with the instruction of the young to set them an example.

Robert E. Lee

 

Laughter is by definition healthy.

Doris Lessing

 

What do we live for; if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?

George Eliot

 

God, I don’t have great faith, but I can be faithful.  My belief in you may be seasonal, but my faithfulness will not.  I will follow in the way of Christ.  I will act as though my life and the lives of others matter.  I will love.  I have no greater gift to offer than my life.  Take it.

Gordon Atkinson

 

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.

Unknown








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