The Border Collie Chronicles

Observations from (arguably) the World's Smartest Dogs;
(but, without question, the bestest friends!)
or, Life As We Understand It, as told from dad's shop.


 Posted February 11, 2016

 

Love Your Shins …

(aka – Mow Against The Grain)

By Compilation[i]

 

  • Find out what your niche is, because that leads to riches.

  • Beer from a can always tastes two degrees cooler than beer from a bottle, even if they're the same temperature.  I don't know why I'm not a physicist, but I am a beer drinker.

  • Never drink anything with an umbrella, a fruit wedge, or a plastic monkey in it.

  • Remember, butter first, milk second, then add the cheese powder.

  • Inhale deeply and often, you're payin' for the nicotine, you might as well get the most out of it.

  • Don't be the type of person who sits around talking about his own genitalia.

  • I tell you what you do man you take one of these little ol' dollar bills man, ol' George Washington on there get one of those cartoon balloons man.

  • Enjoy your body, use it everywhere you can, feel good about your body, show it to everyone.

  • Your feet are not as big as you think they are.

  • Enjoy your body, almost any part can make a fart noise.  In between your toes, behind your knee, inside the elbow, even behind your ear, from your chin to your neck, and of course, you have your armpit.

  • Always read the directions, enjoy your spatula, use it everywhere you can, if it rusts, don't be afraid of what people think of it, it is the greatest instrument you will ever own.

  • Write your locker combination where you'll remember it, but not inside your locker.

  • Love your shins, them's the only ones you got and you'll miss 'em when they're gone.

  • Do one thing every day that scares somebody.

  • Go to the bathroom every chance you can. 

  • Don't trust a man who spends more than $10 on a haircut.

  • Buy American, even if it doesn't work as well.

  • Be kind to your wife, you may never know when she just might leave ya for no reason.

  • Do not read beauty magazines they will only make you feel sorry for those skinny, little drugged out models.

  • Mow against the grain.

  • My lawn is my flag, it tells the world, here lives a competent, trustworthy salesman of propane and propane accessories.

  • Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but alone in your living room, alone, with a mop.

  • Never throw out an old comb, a comb is one tool that last a lifetime.

  • Set aside time every day to check to see if your fly is up.

  • Don't go to therapy, it'll only screw you up more.

  • Don't waste money on fancy soap.

  • Never, ever trust a man who is wearing a beret.

  • If there's a better friend than a roll of duct tape I'd like to meet him.

  • I tell you one thing man in any kind of relationship is dang ol' communication, it's the most important thing in any kind of relationship.  I tell you what man what we have here is a failure to communicate.

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We believe that MOST all of this is very good advice!

We hope you have a WONDERMOUS week!!



[i] Cohen, Hardwick, Judge, Freedland, Appel, Croston, Aibel, Dauterive, Fybel, Boss, Collier, Hiscock Huyck, Altschuler, R. Sall, Berger, Gregory, Krinsky, Daniels.

 

This is from the “King Of The Hill” soundtrack, based on the “King Of The Hill” television show (one of the bestest TV shows ever … I tell you what!)  Listen to “Mow Against The Grain” here.

 

 

 

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