The Border Collie Chronicles

Observations from (arguably) the World's Smartest Dogs;
(but, without question, the bestest friends!)
or, Life As We Understand It, as told from dad's shop.


Posted February 28, 2013

Timmy Reveals The Truth – “Lassie pushed me in the well”

Written by Bobby Bou, posted on http://thedailycricket.com/ on October 26, 2011

 

(Note from the BC’s:  We did not write this article (see author and source above – we might take your treat, but we won’t take your article!!).  We did come up with a similar thought line after dad bought a sticker on Amazon, and while we were researching some ideas, we came across this article.  We read it, laughed, read it again, and laughed some more – after brainstorming it for a little while, we decided that we could not improve it!  A little bit of the language is a little rougher than we would have chosen – but we didn’t want to change anything … and kids shouldn’t be reading this stuff anyway!  Hope you enjoy!!)

 

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 Timmy Reveals The Truth 01

For the last 38 years, child television star Timmy Miller laid in a coma after suffering a fall into an abandoned well. Last Monday, Timmy Miller opened his eyes and told nurses that his co-star Lassie had pushed him into the well.

 

Timmy and Lassie were co-stars in the popular television show Lassie which ran from 1958 up to the day that Timmy was mysteriously fell into farmer Johnson’s’ well (pictured at right). Timmy suffered multiple injuries including a broken neck and a twisted bowel, which left him not only in a coma but also left him unable to poop or act, which for most Hollywood actors, is the same thing.

 

At that time, police were unable to determine exactly how Timmy fell into the well but evidence collected at the scene suggested foul play.

 

“We surmised that Timmy had been lured to the well by somebody he knew.” said Police Chief Bubba Montroux. “The well opening had been covered up with sticks and leaves. We found penny candies, a slingshot, a copy of Playboy magazine and firecrackers nearby. There isn’t a red-neck boy in the world who couldn’t resist these treats. We were certain it was attempted murder.”

 

Insiders working at the television studio said that Lassie was unhappy with the show and a rift had formed between the two actors. A close friend of Lassies gave The Daily Cricket an exclusive interview.

 

“Lassie constantly complained about her lousy pay and her lack of speaking lines in the show, but she especially hated all the attention Timmy was getting.” said the informant. “She put her own life at risk every day because Lassie did all her own stunts. She once told me that she hoped that freckled-faced fuck would get caught in a hay thrasher.”  She believed that Timmy spread rumors in an attempt to discredit her.

 Timmy Reveals The Truth 02

It was no secret that Timmy was telling tales about his co-worker. He told newspapers that Lassie had fleas and then he started a rumor that there was more than one Lassie. Timmy would often bring in sticky-burrs and throw then in her fur. Lassie was devastated by the accusations and she began drinking heavily. Things took a final turn for the worse when Timmy revealed to Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show that Lassie was not only a male dog but she was actually a French Poodle that had her hair straightened and colored.

 

Forty years after the accident Timmy woke from his coma and recounted to police what happened on that fateful day.

 

“Lassie and I had a falling out. She used to growl and snap at me on the set when nobody was looking. She would bite my pant legs and tug at them. She peed on the rug in my dressing room. I got angry and called her a knot-haired bitch,” said the coma-breathed boy. “She told me she was sorry and wanted to make it up to me. She told me she had playboy books and bubble gum at the old well. She laid a trap for me and down into the well I fell. That sick four-legged whore tricked me. What kind of a monster pushes an 8 year old boy into a well?” he asked.

 

Lassie was arrested this morning in Boca Raton, Florida where she was doing a book signing tour for her third tell-all novel Timmy Was A Spoiled Little Prick.

 

Her first two books Living In Timmy’s Shadow and Timmy, That Little Shit, Had It Coming were on the best seller list for 2 months.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Timmy Reveals The Truth 03

Artist rendition ... Is it Lassie??? ...

 

... Or Gall?

 

... Or, is it Annie??!!

 

 

 

 

 

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