The Border Collie Chronicles Observations from (arguably) the World's Smartest Dogs; (but, without question, the bestest friends!) or, Life As We Understand It, as told from dad's shop. |
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Posted December 18, 2015 |
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BC Jokes
Love for Beer A guy, sitting outside his home about to be
evicted from his house, was contemplating how the future would be
after he had divorced his wife, lost his children and lost his job. He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks
up to it. He takes out an empty bottle, smashing it
into the concrete wall swearing, “You are the reason I don’t have a
wife”, second bottle, “You are the reason I don’t have my children”,
third bottle “You are the reason I lost my job”. He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and
still full of beer. He takes
the bottle, puts it aside and says “Stand aside my dear friend; I
know you were not involved”. I
Am Fine An old farmer named Clyde had a car accident.
In court, the trucking
company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. “Didn’t you say at the scene of the accident,
‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer. Clyde responded, “Well, I’ll tell you what
happened. I had just loaded
my favorite mule, Bessie, into the……” “I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer
interrupted. “Just answer the question.
Did you not say, at the scene
of the accident, “I’m fine!’?” Clyde said, “Well, I had just got Bessie into
the trailer and was driving down the road….” The lawyer interrupted again and said,
“Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that at the scene of the
accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he
was just fine. Now several
weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client.
I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply
answer the question.” By this time, the Judge was fairly interested
in Clyde’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he
has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie.” Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded, “Well…
as I was sayin’, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into
the trailer and was drivin’ her down the highway when this huge semi
ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.
I was thrown into one ditch
and Bessie was thrown into the other.
I was hurtin’ real bad and didn’t want to move.
However, I could hear ole
Bessie moanin’ and groanin’. I
knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Real soon a Highway Patrolman came on the
scene. He could hear Bessie
moanin’ and groanin’, too. So,
he went over to her. After he
looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the Patrolman came
across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘How are YOU
feeling?’ Now what the heck would you say?”
Alcohol And Health The USDA was deeply concerned over the liquor
drinking habits of the farmers and they decide to spread awareness
amongst these farmers that liquor is dangerous for health. They visit one such community and call upon
all the farmers to see the presentation.
They keep two glasses on the
table, one filled with liquor and the other with water. They put an insect in the glass which is
filled with liquor and after some time the insect dies.
Then they put another insect
in the glass which is filled with water and even after some time,
the insect is still alive. They tell the farmers that see how harmful
liquor is for your health. The farmers think for a moment and say that
now they will drink even more liquor.
The USDA people are amazed and ask why?
The farmers say because it
will kill all the insects in their stomach.
The new Extension Agent said to a farmer: “Your methods are too old fashioned. I won’t be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples.”
“I won’t be surprised either,” said the farmer, “this is an
orange tree”.
Hope at least one of these brought a grin to your face ... Maybe a chuckle ... We'd love an "out loud" laugh!!
Wishing all of you the MERRIEST of Christmas's and the HAPPIEST of New Years!!!!
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