Mom D Forgot To Tell Us About The Easter Bunny

By Anonymous (Cause Ain’t None of Us Taking The Blame For This One!!)

Well, it was a dark and stormy (well, actually, it was a beautiful, clear West Texas night – but we think it sounds better the other way) – so, it was a dark and stormy night, when mom D asked us to all stay in the house.  She didn’t say why, we just assumed that she was scared of something attacking her during the night.  So we all took our appointed places to protect the house – Roo, of course, went back to dad’s office to make sure that his desk didn’t run away and leave her pillow top dog bed uncovered – anyway, the rest of us were relegated to the living room, close to the main doors in case any booger bears got into the house trap!  And we drifted off into our peaceful slumbers!

I was dreaming about hanging out in the shop when something alerted my BC senses (they are extremely honed, don’t you know) and I cracked just one eye (I’ve learned that if it’s mom D and that if I look at her full on, and acknowledge her, then she’ll put you out in the snow – the cold, wet, miserable snow … ughhh – bad flashback!)  Anyway, I peeked out of my bottom eye (the top eye would be too obvious) and there was a HUGE rabbit!  No really … a big, white rabbit, it was WAY bigger than a jack, standing on it’s hind legs, almost as tall as mom D, it was kind of goofy looking with long floppy ears, a silly little vest, and – are you ready for this …. – a BOW TIE!!!  How gauche[i]!  Right there in my living room!!  This hideous beast was between me and my defenseless people – but my sisters had him surrounded!  Patches was at her regularly appointed post by the love seat at the entrance to the kitchen, Gall was at the end of the other love seat, Annie was around the corner of the couch, and I had my spot – I mean Bubba was over by the fire place.  Problem is, the only way that this creature could escape was toward our people.  I mean, Gall and Annie has the French doors covered – NO WAY that it could get out that way.  But, wait … Roo was in the office!  The last stronghold between the creature and our people that we are sworn to protect!  Surely Roo can cover the hall – at least long enough for dad to get his shotgun (that is … if the need arises, of course.  Wink Wink)  So, I tried to get my sister’s attention by making the super secret *************** (edited for security reasons) call.  No one stirred … Gall did whimper (for a super studdette, she sure does whimper a lot!) but no other movement or acknowledgement was received!

What to do!!??  I’m not really one of the BC Leaders.  Why does this stuff always happen when I’m in charge??!!  Well – what else can I do??  Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead!![ii]  I jumped up, made myself as big as possible (and that is pretty dang big, let me tell you), faux charged the beast and barked my fool head off!!  I was GOOD!  That’s all it took – my sisters and mom don’t need to know why … they just hear one of us let off in an “I’ve got a rabbit” bark (or really, an “I’ve got an … anything … bark”) and THEY ARE THERE!  It’s kind of cool – we’re certainly all our own individuals, and we fuss back and forth amongst ourselves … but you take one of us on – WATCH OUT buddy!  You got us all!  We attack as a pack (that’s why Pete can’t come out.  Dad would like him to, but he’s worried what might happen.  That’s why he also puts us up when Bonnie and Mazie come by).   Anyway, as soon as I sang out, the rest of the BC chorus chimed in immediately!  It was crazy!  I saw that beast jump, turn, then turn the other way!  Then I heard mom D scream (I’m sure we woke her up from her with our barking, but I’m thinking that I heard some relief in her scream since she knew that she had me to  … I mean US to … protect her!  I think that was what it was anyway.)  I heard Roo racing down the hall and I knew, at that point, that we had the grizzly, nasty beast cornered.  There was NO escape!  I real charged this time and I am pretty sure I pulled a hind leg off …  I saw blurs of action all around me and then I heard dad coming down the hall – good, he’s got the gun and will put the poor beast out of his misery (even though I am an accomplished killer, I don’t want anything to suffer unduly).  Dad was telling everyone to hush up and get back – so, obediently, I did (as did my sisters).  The next thing that I knew, the beast was GONE and Roo was jumping up on mom D giving her loving!  The beast … it must have escaped in all of the confusion??!!  I think dad shot off the 12 gauge a few times during the commotion, but he must have missed (not positive on that one, but it wouldn’t surprise me – he’s not that good of a shot, if you ask me - Annie and I are still looking for gun residue and DNA).  Mom D was giggling, dad was kind of grumpy, Roo was very attentive to mom D, Gall and Patches looked embarrassed, me and Annie were still anxiously trying to figure out how the creature escaped our collective grasp and we were the only ones that seemed to still be pretty worked up!

I heard mom D tell dad – “I forgot to tell them.”  Dad groaned and called two of us BC’s over.  He then explained to me and Annie that there was this deal called the “Easter Bunny” – he said that this was the only rabbit that was really ever welcome on the place.  He further explained that Jesus was crucified and died on the cross for our collective sins.  (We already knew that, and we Thank You, Jesus!)  He was buried, and three days later, he rose from the dead and took his place at the right hand of God!  Pretty cool, isn’t it!  Dad said that this was the Resurrection.  He continued explaining that way back in pagan times that the Teutonic deity Eostra was the goddess of spring and fertility, and they held feasts in her honor on the Vernal Equinox (that’s the beginning of spring, don’tcha know).  Her symbol was the rabbit because of the animal’s high reproduction rate (guess they didn’t have enough BC’s around back in the bc).  He also explained that spring symbolized new life and rebirth and that eggs were also an ancient symbol of fertility.  He then explained that the first Easter bunny legend was documented in the 1500s.  By 1680, the first story about a rabbit laying eggs (you see, a lot of people believe that Easter eggs are a good representation of Jesus’ Resurrection) and hiding them in a garden was published.  These legends were brought to the United States in the 1700s when German immigrants settled in Pennsylvania Dutch country.  So, it appears that people seem to think that this big, funny looking, white rabbit comes around every spring leaving candied eggs and chocolates for everyone as sort of a “I Love You” reminder from God and Jesus!  It also seems that children all over the world look forward to receiving these gifts of Love!  Some even have Easter egg hunts and all kinds of other events surrounding this rabbit and his “eggs” – but, you do know that rabbits DON’T really lay eggs, don’t you.

Hmmm, guess that rascal wasn’t that terrible of a beast anyhow … maybe that’s why he wore that goofy bow tie – just to let everyone know that he wasn’t really a threat!  Dad apologized for not explaining this to us … things were just kinda topsy turvy last Easter.

Wow … I feel kinda bad that Annie tore him up so bad.  I tried really hard to keep everyone at bay.  Wait and assess the situation before tearing in there all Rambo-like is what I always say!  Of course, I am not assigning any personal direct blame at all for the (soon to be infamous) Easter Day Massacre.  This IS an anonymous article, isn’t it?  Gall said it would be!  She helped me write it to make sure and everything!  It’s not like you can tag it on me or anything.  In closing, thank you for reading this article, I’m really sorry if I ruined any of your kiddos Easter!  I … I mean, ummm, Bubba … has already volunteered to deliver eggs next year, if necessary (but he WILL NOT wear a bow tie!)

P.S. - You know over there in the shop where dad crushes his beer cans … all that water that collects.  It seems that every time I clean that up for him, I feel funny and then my head hurts the next morning.  I wonder why?

P.S.S. – We never did find that hind leg.  Wonder where it went?  Oh yeah, mom D’s limp is getting better every day!